What makes us empowered is the question we all wonder as there are galore articles written on Women empowerment. I think if women are able to take charge of life with grace , strength , confidence and self acceptance then we can be on the journey of being empowered.
Am I having a loving , empathetic relationship with Myself ?
Once we are conscious of what is going on in the mind then it shines light on things which are actually depleting our energies. We can actually see the forces which pull us down confusing us, loading us with demotivating & critical thoughts. Self relationship lays a solid foundation where everything else rests on it. If this foundation is unsteady then everything around us is shaken too. It is like the bed of the ocean being steady. But what if the ocean bed keeps telling itself "you are so stupid " "you are so plump and unattractive " , " nobody loves me but only uses me " , etc. With these depleting thoughts, would the ocean bed be a motivating force for other beings relying on it. It is like an earthquake deep inside the ocean bed causing a whirlpool outside.
Connection with “Myself” can mainly happen with a very important quality which we can nurture over the years and that is by developing `awareness”. With awareness, we can observe the inner causes of disharmony. When we draw our awareness deeper and deeper away from the noise of the inner chatter and external chaos, we find a warm and loving space where we have the power within ourselves and not allow anything to disturb us. Giving Power to no one but oneself makes us empowered. Let us understand the term Self empathy/self compassion which plays one of the key roles in shaping us.
Every woman I know, including myself, has had countless conversations with herself in the mirror. In our efforts to feel good about ourselves and look our best, we toughen ourselves to try and achieve higher self-esteem. Often women are adept at a punishing mindset. Our perfectionism leads us to overwhelm, overwork, and overload more often than men, and it’s slowly killing us, dimming our spark, and leading to lives filled with disappointment and shame. Since childhood we might have heard statements which bring about strong beliefs in us that “ I have to be like this and this...if I'm not then I am a loser or I am inefficient , others will think that I am not good enough” and similar such thoughts. These beliefs become part of us as we grow older and we get convinced that we are imperfect and that is not at all good and all around me are very good . Fear becomes the king then as for every oppurtunity falling on the lap, there is fear and uncertanity.
If we need a positive change then moving towards self compassion becomes an asset. When we stop judging , we do not feel isolated. The source of our compassion will only be more authentic when we are able to show compassion to ourselves first. When we lack self empathy there is dissatisfaction most of the time. We also tend to blame the outside circumstances or a person and we might get frustrated , angry, guilty, depressed, ashamed or any other unpleasant feelings. With the affirmation " I am good enough" , there is a tremendous transformation and we feel like exploring each and everything like a spirited child. Automatically we feel so deeply connected and grounded that we just rise towards the sky spreading our branches without fear. We are strongly grounded with the strength of the divine energies as there is an opening to recieve the " grace"
Every woman I know, including myself, has had countless conversations with herself in the mirror. In our efforts to feel good about ourselves and look our best, we toughen ourselves to try and achieve higher self-esteem. Often women are adept at a punishing mindset. Our perfectionism leads us to overwhelm, overwork, and overload more often than men, and it’s slowly killing us, dimming our spark, and leading to lives filled with disappointment and shame. Since childhood we might have heard statements which bring about strong beliefs in us that “ I have to be like this and this...if I'm not then I am a loser or I am inefficient , others will think that I am not good enough” and similar such thoughts. These beliefs become part of us as we grow older and we get convinced that we are imperfect and that is not at all good and all around me are very good . Fear becomes the king then as for every oppurtunity falling on the lap, there is fear and uncertanity.
If we need a positive change then moving towards self compassion becomes an asset. When we stop judging , we do not feel isolated. The source of our compassion will only be more authentic when we are able to show compassion to ourselves first. When we lack self empathy there is dissatisfaction most of the time. We also tend to blame the outside circumstances or a person and we might get frustrated , angry, guilty, depressed, ashamed or any other unpleasant feelings. With the affirmation " I am good enough" , there is a tremendous transformation and we feel like exploring each and everything like a spirited child. Automatically we feel so deeply connected and grounded that we just rise towards the sky spreading our branches without fear. We are strongly grounded with the strength of the divine energies as there is an opening to recieve the " grace"
There is a misconception that if we are self compassionate then we are indulging and we might lose track of our goals and aspirations.
Self indulgence vs Self compassion
Self compassion is about being aware of our own feelings, accepting our experiences , embracing our own self with warmth and kindness and accepting the fact that we are not perfect “ and flawless individuals. When we develop self compassion it gives us the most important tool for coping and resilience. It maintains our self confidence and we feel emotionally supported. Most of the time our stress, anxiety and depression is mainly due to being hard on oneself . We can expand our heart and create a caring space within us that is free of judgment - a place that sees our hurt and our failures and softens to allow those experiences with kindness and caring. We can broaden our perspective by not labelling anything success or failures & consider each outcome as an experience. For an unexpected outcome, we may not be pleased with it so we can reflect on what we can do differently to get the outcome we desire. If we get an outcome which is expected, then we are satisfied and learn what we did to get that outcome. So, both ways we are reflecting and learning .
Self compassion is about being aware of our own feelings, accepting our experiences , embracing our own self with warmth and kindness and accepting the fact that we are not perfect “ and flawless individuals. When we develop self compassion it gives us the most important tool for coping and resilience. It maintains our self confidence and we feel emotionally supported. Most of the time our stress, anxiety and depression is mainly due to being hard on oneself . We can expand our heart and create a caring space within us that is free of judgment - a place that sees our hurt and our failures and softens to allow those experiences with kindness and caring. We can broaden our perspective by not labelling anything success or failures & consider each outcome as an experience. For an unexpected outcome, we may not be pleased with it so we can reflect on what we can do differently to get the outcome we desire. If we get an outcome which is expected, then we are satisfied and learn what we did to get that outcome. So, both ways we are reflecting and learning .
Both are just experiences . This is a healthier motivation. Demotivation happens when we put words like failure, flop, disaster in our experiences and criticise ourselves further.
On the other hand by being indulgent ,we close the inner doors of any kind of processing and we are keen to be distracted . Unfortunately this distraction does not work on a long term basis as all the critical painful thoughts in our mind is still lurking to pounce the moment we are tired of one distraction. We think that by distracting ourselves by watching a movie , shopping , binge eating it will numb our pain but over the long run it leaves us as dissatisfied individuals as we have not yet accepted the pain we are going through. With another trigger some other day , the volcano erupts and we react so abruptly that it spills everywhere in our relationships at work and home. What is happening here ? We have not looked within to check what is happening inside ? If there is a short circuit at home, we look at every nook and corner to check , isnt it ? Are we doing that ? instead we encourage all the critical thoughts and make us feel miserable. No one can be blamed but US.
On the other hand by being indulgent ,we close the inner doors of any kind of processing and we are keen to be distracted . Unfortunately this distraction does not work on a long term basis as all the critical painful thoughts in our mind is still lurking to pounce the moment we are tired of one distraction. We think that by distracting ourselves by watching a movie , shopping , binge eating it will numb our pain but over the long run it leaves us as dissatisfied individuals as we have not yet accepted the pain we are going through. With another trigger some other day , the volcano erupts and we react so abruptly that it spills everywhere in our relationships at work and home. What is happening here ? We have not looked within to check what is happening inside ? If there is a short circuit at home, we look at every nook and corner to check , isnt it ? Are we doing that ? instead we encourage all the critical thoughts and make us feel miserable. No one can be blamed but US.
I have the POWER
Let us learn to speak kindly to our inner child that it is alright to feel low at this point of time / it is ok to make mistakes and I am here for you. So instead of hurting oneself with critical comments we are giving warmth and loving kindness to oneself .
A beautiful outcome of self compassion is we start thinking that we are all connected and all are in this together. We don't look for another person to give us comfort but in fact we are aware of our pain or suffering without any resistance. We keep giving positive affirmations in a loving manner just like we soothen our child when they come home crying. The power of self Compassion and self empathy leads to a stable emotional state . When we learn to be gentle with ourselves , we are gentle with others and this makes us a better human being.
The next time we look in the mirror let us like what we see - a flawed, positive and a wonderful woman in the journey of being empowered !
- Attempted By,
A beautiful outcome of self compassion is we start thinking that we are all connected and all are in this together. We don't look for another person to give us comfort but in fact we are aware of our pain or suffering without any resistance. We keep giving positive affirmations in a loving manner just like we soothen our child when they come home crying. The power of self Compassion and self empathy leads to a stable emotional state . When we learn to be gentle with ourselves , we are gentle with others and this makes us a better human being.
The next time we look in the mirror let us like what we see - a flawed, positive and a wonderful woman in the journey of being empowered !
- Attempted By,
Prabha Krishna