Each time I watch Kung Fu Panda with my 6 yr old son, I get new insights on the dialogues of Oogway.
Just go deeply into this dialogue between Oogway , the Grand master and his student Master Shifu
OOGWAY: Look at this tree, Shifu. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control.
[kicks the tree so that peaches fall]
Shifu: I can control when the fruit will fall!
[he slices a peach and throws the pit to the ground]
Shifu: I can control where to plant the seed! That is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!
Oogway: [folding dirt over the peach pit] Maybe it *can*, if you are willing to guide it, to nurture it. To believe in it.
If the" tree" is considered as our child and then if this dialogue exchange between two masters are read in that perspective, then a completely new dimension in Parenting could be deciphered.
What are we "Controlling"here?
We are controlling that "my child" needs to do this and that. My child needs to do this type of education as it suits"my" dream and my ambition "for " the child.......or it is "Good" for my child. My child needs to sleep at this time as it suits my lifestyle. My child needs to listen to me as I am the "PARENT". My child "should" learn these things as this is what is required for my child's future..........there are so many things we do as a Parent...we want to be in "Control" to whatever our kids do.
We might be doing this consciously or being completely unaware believing that this is good and 'I" need to be in "control" of what is required. Our belief system is so strongly engraved in our upbringing and ofcourse our evolution that we have forgotten to "Listen" and "observe" the needs and requests of our children.
Do we sit and listen to our child......what they are really wanting,their actual need..do we observe our child and see what their potentials are......what kind of education they need- pictorial, route, hands on, conventional,list goes on........
is my child crying since she/he is tired or hungry.....is my tween /teen child shutting the door saying that there is nothing to be discussed.......is my child just being quiet when I just scream for not listening to ME.
Like Shifu says" I can control when the fruit will fall, or plant the seed", we humans do have control or I could say in recent high tech situation,blessed to plant the seed . But can we determine whether the child grows up to be a peach tree or an apple tree? We nurture the child, guide but can we "Control" everything what the child does?
So what happens you might wonder if we do this. After all we love our children and we are doing all this for their good. You could think that even if child hates me or do not connect to me, she/he would understand when they become a parent.We are talking about a time several years from now believing that my child would "Understand " me one day in the future. What an irony:)
How do we "Connect " to our child and with ourselves?
Self observation and awareness is required for our own evolution . When we understand what we are feeling, wanting and we acknowledge our feelings then we do empathise with our near and dear ones. We have lost that self connection. Once the art of Connection and communication is understood and practiced by us , then observing , empathising and paying attention to the needs of our children comes to the picture. We no longer need to control, but only need to connect. I wish everything could be so easy like connecting two different coloured wires:)
Being aware of our thoughts, feelings could be quite a big task as for that we need to sit quietly and listen to "ourselves". Do we have the patience to work on ourselves as looking after our kids is itself a daunting job. Yoga comes into the picture as we learn to "work in". We start with physical stretches with body awareness and then move on to breath awareness and later to thoughts awareness and affirmations. By just a simple breath-body movements(synchronising the movements with breath), we learn to start being aware of the speed of the breath. We consciously slow the speed of the breath as well as the movement . In Asanas, we are being aware of the muscles being stretched, awareness of breath in the final pose. We are indeed in the journey of "being mindful" here.As we OPEN our arms we learn to be more flexible in our thoughts and beliefs.
Yoga itself is a such a vast science but what I wanted to emphasise is, when the mind starts being "OPEN" , we automatically would be willing to Change . We would be willing to work on ourselves . We learn to pay attention to our feelings and connect to our needs and thoughts. We would then learn in the long run with conscious efforts to connect to our children. When there is connection, there is easier communication as the foundation is laid strong. There is mutual understanding, acceptance from both the sides and the journey of "Bonding " begins.
Well.....one thing I have observed that we are always working to reach that "Place". My friend and teacher who had given me insights on "Non Violent Communication"and other self Journey classes, always used to mention that we are all in WIP (Work in progress). We consciously start transforming ourselves so that our journey in this life is fruitful and there is harmony with all our dear ones. But as mere humans we slip sometimes and do mistakes. But the wonderful part is that we are aware here and we are open to understand that. The moment I see that I am actually controlling or demanding attention of my children, my inner alarm rings. Then the best thing would be to just"pause" and then "act" :)
Like Oogway says when " we start believing" ,we would be willing to "nurture" the "tree" and not "control" it's movements or actions. We would be willing to accept whether the tree grows to be an apple or a peach tree or a tree which bears only flowers and no fruits. There is acceptance. The tree would then feel so loved and starts believing in itself and with this belief, the tree might grow strong and start bearing sweet fruits. We the parent are there to nourish the soil, pour water,plant in a suitable location for light . Which direction the tree/plant slants and how tall the tree would grow is all not in our control. "We cannot let it blossom when it suits me nor let it bear fruit when we think it is time"
My Teacher N.V.Raghuramji used to say, we all grown ups need to learn a very important quality from Children.The ability to be in Bliss . The ability to be joyful . They are always in ANANDA.
- Written by, Prabha Krishna